The WORST Manicure I’ve Ever Had…(Part 1)

Hello Royals…It’s a sad, sad day in the kingdom. But before I get into why…

::DISCLAIMER:: I am in no way trying to be mean or exaggerate the situation. The events you are about to read are real. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried…

As you can imagine…being the bargain-nista that I am, I’ve subscribed to several “local deal” websites such as; Groupon, Scout Mob, Living Social, Loclly, Open Table & Travel Zoo. I’ve eaten at restaurants that I would have normally overlooked. I’ve saved money at businesses to which I’m loyally devoted. I’ve booked experiences that will last a lifetime. You get the point…These sites have been good to me! That is…until now. All that glitters is not gold my friends…All that glitters is NOT gold.

Last night I was laying in bed and couldn’t sleep, which usually turns into me watching Youtube “Beauty Gurus” and reading fashion/beauty blogs. As I was reading, I ran across a review on a popular product by CND called Shellac. A 14-day wear, mirror finish, zero dry time and no-damage nail color. With my impending LSAT just days away, I thought it’d be nice to treat myself to a manicure and pedicure. In my opinion, nails are a mandatory splurge.

But given my current budget and the holiday gift shopping I have coming up, I really don’t need to be spending $50 on a mani/pedi. True, I could probably find a place for $30, but the whole time I’ll be praying that I don’t get a fungus. {HEALTH ALERT} Spa pedicure chair filters should be changed after EVERY customer to prevent the growth of bacteria and spread of infection.

But when was the last time you saw anyone change a filter at YOUR local nail salon? Exactly. You never have. They just toss in some blue crystals and you unknowingly lower your feet into water carrying the DNA of every person before you. *vomit* So what’s the healthier solution? Go to a nail salon that does their pedicures in basins or foot baths like the ones below.

Granted these salons tend to be posh and charge a little more, but it’s worth it! All that said, I decided I’d get a pedicure at my favorite spot Pampered Nail & Body Spa for their $10 Tuesday specials (Click HERE for more info) and try the much raved about Shellac nail polish through the Groupon NOW! Special. Normally a Shellac manicure costs anywhere from $30-$45. Well this Groupon Now! deal was $13. Uhhh duh….Book me please!

The saying, “You get what you pay for.” surely applies here. I should have known when I walked through the door of ‘The French Manicure” that I was in for a hot mess. As soon as I told the nail tech (whose name I can’t remember) about the Groupon I had purchased, I was reprimanded. “Did you buy the Groupon already? You should have bought it through us.”

Excuse me?!! I didn’t know you existed before today! How in the hell was I supposed to “buy it through you”?! Oh you trippin’…STRIKE ONE. I should have left right then and there, but I got bamboozled by what was in front of me. Was it a woman? Was it a man? It sounded like a woman, but it looked like Dennise Rodman in drag! Think gaudy makeup, 2 inch eyelashes (one of which wasn’t glued all the way down) and 3 inch long acrylic claws nails. Strike two, three AND four.

As I was escorted to my seat and told to pick a color, I informed the she-man nail tech that I wanted a french manicure. Shouldn’t be a problem, right? After all it IS called The. French. Manicure. Well WRONG! The nail tech started asking the manager what to do just as she was running out the door to go to the bank. Uh OH. Now this is where things get sketch(ier).

The nail file and buffer she brought out where on their last leg. And looking back I’m almost positive that the cuticle cutter and pusher have never had anything more than a splash of alcohol on them…maybe. She/he then puts cuticle remover on my nails and places plastic bags over my hands. Out come the warming mittens and I’m thinking things are starting to look up. Too bad the temperature in them was turned waaaaaay down. As in off.  STRIKE…What number are we on again?

Prompted by the manager I decide to get a solid color. With it being almost Winter and all, I chose a dark burgundy color called ‘Fedora’. Which apparently, is a very popular color because there was barely any polish in the bottle. After covering my nails with a ‘Gellish’ brand base coat- Which is a no-no according to the CND’s website. The nail tech then proceeds to paint my nails (and surrounding skin) with the streaky, lint-filled Shellac polish. *sigh*

Furthermore, because the nail polish I picked was so dark- I noticed all my nails where filed in the oddest shapes imaginable. I’d describe them, but I don’t know how. Eclectic maybe? Because no one nail was alike…Fast forward about 15 minutes to the finished product and my nails come out of the UV lamp looking like the Raisin Men’s comeback tour. Old, wrinkled and lumpy….

Shout out to the 80s babies who know what I’m talking about!

Stay tuned for PART 2 of The Worst Manicure I’ve Ever Had!

Live Royally,

J. Clarice


4 thoughts on “The WORST Manicure I’ve Ever Had…(Part 1)

    • I’m telling you…Everyone has a story…But you’re right! Natural nails are definitely the way to go right now. I have an ungodly amount of nail polish, so I do like to paint my own sometimes. However, staying bent over for 30 mins + is NOT an option some days, lol. Thanks for commenting ;-) Checked out your blog- very nice!

  1. Thanks for recommending Pampered Nail & Body Spa. The Spa is around the corner from my workplace. I got a pedicure for the $10 Tuesdays special. I am now hooked! Very professional and attentive. I will spread the word!

    • You’re so welcome! I love this place. The owner Yolanda is so sweet and the place has such a great vibe. You should try her facials….HEAVEN! She makes all her products fresh like the company LUSH out of the UK.

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